Don’t Believe What You Think You Know About Yourself
Introspection is useless unless you know how to break out
A Case Study In Love And Engagement
My fiance and I were recently engaged. We went to school at Baylor in Waco, Texas, and she was making the long Thanksgiving journey to meet my parents in Richmond, Virginia. I was 22 and in love, or earnestly believed I was. My fiance — let’s call her Stephanie — had told me all about her bulimic eating disorder in high school. It was behind her now, she said.
It had done some damage, she told me one night. She might not be able to have kids. I recall the night she added this little detail, and I recall being sobered by the reality but also, somehow, completely fine with it. I was in love, and this is what love was about. Marriage was about more than having kids, and anyway, she said “might not.” There was always a chance, I told myself.
Joining us for our Thanksgiving dinner with my parents and younger brother, was one other person, Ralph Starling. Ralph was the Minister to Singles at First Baptist Church, where my parents were members. Ralph was also an old friend of my parents and an uncle figure to me. He was tall, athletic (had been a semi-pro baseball player), funny, creative, and pretty cool. And for some reason, even…
